"PLEASE TAKE AWAY THIS TERRIBLE AFFLICTION! AND ALSO LET ME FIND A BAG OF MONEY!"

Holy fuck I'm tired. It's dire. I was trying to get some much needed sleep in this morning, but couldn't because some damn kid down on the street was shouting like a goon. MAAAAA! MAAAAAA! I DON'T WANNNNA GOOOOO! What a little fatboy this bastard was -- although his lungs were clearly fit. I mean, this kid was porky, but he had supersonic lungs (and likely a peanut-sized brain). Anyway. What a bastard. Of course the damn mother kept shouting back at Baby Fatmouth: SHUTUP! JUST SHUTUP! AND START MOVING OR YOU'RE GONNA GET IT! Of course the damn kid did neither -- he just stood there and wailed. I felt like throwing a rock at his head or something. Unfortunately, there aren't many rocks in the sublet I'm staying at. Catalogs, yes (no guff, this person I'm renting from must be on every damn list in the universe; she gets at least 7 catalogs per day, all of which I have to lug from the mailbox every evening -- sucks). But rocks? Not so much. Pity. Although I tried to sleep after this noise FINALLY carried on down the road, it was hopeless. I was ruined. So I started thinking about the idea of yelling. Although I can control the volume of my voice, and usually do -- unlike Baby Fatmouth, who's always at volume 11 (just one louder) -- I occasionally like to yell things at top volume -- the effect can be startling. Here are some of the things I like to shout out randomly....

GET IN THE HOLE!
UF!
HAUW!
LOOK AT THAT BIG ASS!
HEY-O!
I WANT A WHALER! (not just at the Burger King drive-through, either)
IT'S A MEATBALL!

There are things I refuse to bellow, however, even under duress. And they are...

YOU DA MAN!
BOO-YA!
GROOVY!
YAY! YOU'RE ALL WINNERS!

And that's all I have to say about that.

Finally, a point of contention: apple is the greatest of all juices.

UPDATE: Just saw this headline on another blog: "NBC TODAY's Al Roker says time for Imus to go...." Who cares what Al "The Stomach" Roker thinks? The guy isn't capable of looking out a window and accurately telling you if it's raining or not -- so we're meant to listen up when he talks about race relations? Awesome.