Whiten Up, Francis

Fact: It's "honkey," not "honky." The word is aligned with donkey and monkey, not funky -- get it straight. Nonironically, the honkiest honkeys -- yeah, those who play "honky-tonk" music -- misspell the term; duh, these fools are from the Southern U.S. -- they can't spell (or tauten their jowels). What a shock. Hey-o...

Fact: Ever notice that in before/after advertising shots, the "after" dude has always changed his hair part? Of course this makes sense if it's some damn promo for Supercuts. But when some fat bastard loses a whopping six pounds on the Weight Watchers, why does he go out and change the 'do? Or is that where the weight loss was? His fat follicles? Dunno. But I do know that perhaps he could've tried that first? A bad part is a real turn off -- 'em I right, ladies!? And why the hell is After always smiling -- is it really that fun to be just mildly repulsive now? Hey-o...

Fact: I love Rose McGowan.

Fact: Some jackass will try to post a comment on this post starting: "Fact: ..." (or worse, Not a Fact:....). Denied. Don't even waste the effort -- that crap is blocked; this site is now moderated. For my protection. And pleasure.

Fact: My MySpace Blootered blog is rapidly climbing the Google charts. As soon as the MS/B page eclipses this site in the ranks, it's the beast (dae yae shee they beasht? hiv yae goat 'er ain yer shites?); and then, this shite is flushed. Wilde might be on your side, but the Berzerker and Gorgoroth is on mine. So fucks ya. Hey-o...

P.S. It's a fact that the lovely & talented Rose McGowan is only three years younger than me -- she's in her prime (and she is a delicate flower). I think we're a perfect couple, actually: she's a hot megastar; I'm a husky fact-checker. I love her, dude. If I could get ONE small smooch on the cheek from Rose McGowan, I would die a happier man (no, not the ass cheek, you jackasses); CORRECTION... Yes, yes, I had said that getting to be one of those dead guys on a procedural show was my last goal in life -- that was pap (although I would really really like to do that -- call me, Dick Wolf). My one and only goal in life is to get a small kiss from Rose McGowan (consensual, consensual, assholes). Although this will never happen, I'm hoping. And hope is everything.