Urge Underkill

So. At the risk of being sassed by Angry John Sellers, I present here a mere Top 50 things that make me want to barf. Mind you, I could easily crunch out another 100 chunder-provoking items if I wanted to -- but I don't wanna. And that's all I have to say about that.

The Top 50 Things that Make Me Want to Barf (listed in no particular order)

1. Fanny packs
2. Raw bananas (it's the smell, it's the texture; I can eat cooked banana without blowing chunks, however -- banana pudding, banana/nut muffins, etc. What? Don't judge me, fatso.)
3. The term "dungarees"
4. Wolverine doing fruity Broadway shows
5. Hearing a chick whistle
6. When your stuff gets bogarted by a damn, dirty hippie
7. Dingbat fonts (yeah, I'm talking to you, Wingdings)
8. Special sauce
9. My chronically swollen adenoids
10. Having a doctor tell me that I have an irritated "duodenal bulb"
11. The smell of paste
12. Paste taste (worse than crayon, no doubt about it)
13. Having a dolphin as your junior high's mascot
14. Accidentally stepping in fresh dog crap -- with bare feet (once, this happened once -- sucked)
15. Seeing a dog eat another dog's crap
16. America's Funniest Home Videos (not funny, not funny)
17. Watching in horror as a guy goes feral during a NYC blackout and starts eating tuna straight out of the can -- while bartending
18. The idea of "discharge"
19. Having your grandfather show you his surgery scar
20. The thought of a penile catheter (yeah, I just puked all over my keyboard)
21. Drambuie (it, like Scottish cuisine, seems to be based on a dare
22. Sitar music
23. Peach Schnapps (too fruity)
24. An inevitable future as worm food
25. The thought of being buried alive

---

26. Getting stuck with a piece of b'day cake that's all globbed up with melted candle wax (happened at work on Monday -- sucked)
27. The term "schmear"
28. People with "moxie"
29. David Arquette
30. Seeing some old broad wearing hair curlers in public
31. Guys called Sherman who want to "do it to ya"
32. Pants that are too tight in the seat
33. Not being able to "touch this"
34. Guys who don't care that Jimmy crack corn
35. Not having TP for my bunghole
36. Having to live in a van down by the river
37. Feng shui
38. Side effects
39. a bubo
40. Guys who don't play within themselves
41. Hanging chads
42. Forgetting to rinse the top of a beer can before popping the top and taking a huge swig (seriously. check out the gunk on your cans, especially if you bought them at a ghetto deli)
43. Discovering that the heavy metal record you just bought has a slow song
44. Hearing Dick Vitate say "they're cupcakes, baby!"
45. Forgetting to mind the gap
46. Sweet tea
47. Pea whiff
48. "Professional" writers who use AOL
49. The word "piddle"
50. The word "squat"

---