Get the bucket for vomitis. The large bucket.

The Top 150 Things That Make Me Want to Barf (in no particular order)

1. Scissor Sisters
2. Guys who wear sandals
3. Yoga
4. Damn dirty hippies
5. Gumsnapping
6. The word "pee"
7. Popsicles (especially grape or the green ones)
8. Popcorn whiff
9. Harvey Danger
10. Guacamole
11. Dudes who say "yelloo!" when they answer the phone
12. Squirrels
13. Blood pudding
14. Finding snot on your desk, phone and keyboard at work
15. Public restrooms
16. Any discussion re: jam rolls or the associated biological functions
17. Those toilet paper commercials where the bears are wiping their bear asses
18. The word bloated, in some contexts
19. Finding a pile of hobo stool in the stairwell of a parking garage or elsewhere
20. Seeing a used condom on the sidewalk
21. People who wear sweatpants in public for non exercise-related activities, e.g. walking to Dunkin Donuts for a feeding
22. Head cheese
23. Whoopi Goldberg
24. People who make "happy" noises while eating
25. Lipsmacking eaters

---

26. People who call you while they're in the bathroom
27. Katie Couric
28. Asparagus
29. Honkeys wearing dreads
30. Phish
31. Having to be near someone who's clipping their finger- or toenails
32. Topless fat guys who scream "whoo!" at top volume during sporting events
33. Daylight Savings Time
34. The onion bits in Taco Bell burritos and on McDonald's hamburgers
35. Guys who "think outside the box"
36. NightQuil
37. Geezer whiff
38. Limp-wristed handshakers
39. The goop left behind in pans used to cook pasta (at least when I cook pasta)
40. Having to plunge a toilet that your jackass roommate left clogged
41. Tecate
42. Non native Italians who say "ciao"
43. "Mean people suck" bumper stickers
44. Scientologists
45. The word "tinkle"
46. The word "potty"
47. Ivory soap
48. The stankin' worm stew on sidewalks after a rain
49. Marmite
50. Mystery stains on motel linen

---

51. Kimchi
52. Knuckle Sandwiches
53. Crotch rot
54. Lispy fruits
55. Buttermilk
56. Lutefisk
57. Scat
58. Hooch (no, not the mutt from "Turner & Hooch")
59. Creamy peanut butter
60. Water chestnuts
61. Don Mclean's "American Pie"
62. Oysters
63. The horrible sensation caused by biting on a towel like Jerry Tarkanian
64. The expression "cream your jeans"
65. Berets
66. Celine Dion
67. Fat-free cream cheese
68. Accidentally stepping on a used Kleenex
69. Witnessing an old Asian woman spit
70. When a seabird shits on your bare shoulder (luckily, this has only happened to me once -- so far)
71. Blue Collar TV
72. Finding ligaments in a Chicken McNugget (parts are not parts)
73. Finding a worm in an apple that I purchased at the grocery store
74. Biting into a piece of bread before noticing the mold growing on it
75. Acid jazz

---

76. The thought of a midget, dwarf or whatever the hell Verne Troyer is humping my leg
77. When a jackass friend shows you the accident-scene photos his cop father gave him
78. Grits
79. Kool-Aid
80. Jagermeister
81. Watching a dog drag his wormy ass around
82. The idea of earwigs
83. Joanna Newsom's singing
84. Long-time listeners but first-time callers
85. Black licorice
86. Scottie Pippen
87. Ryne Sandberg
88. Turbulence
89. Dr. Pepper
90. Lime Jello
91. Black jelly beans
92. Green jelly beans
93. Maggots
94. Accidentally swallowing a damn insect
95. The word "turd"
96. When people pronounce "coupon" as Q-pon
97. A fear of change
98. Circus peanuts
99. Smarties
100. Aerosol hairspray reek

---

101. Guys who non ironically give ya the "talk to the hand" gesture
102. Al Gore's accent
103. Clowns
104. Being described as "husky"
105. Grown men who refer to their fathers as "daddy"
106. Castor oil
107. When it's like Africa hot
108. Haiku
109. Chicken wings
110. Seeing someone crack their back
111. Dentists who try to sell you on teeth whitening
112. Dingleberries
113. The word "slacks"
114. New Ageism
115. Local newscasters
116. Chopsticks as headgear
117. Trapped wind
118. The term "oleo"
119. Jay Leno's "headlines" humor
120. Ben Affleck's success
121. Pete Burns
122. Rhubarb (it's a plant)
123. Three Musketeers candy bars
124. Taylor Hicks
125. Bread & butter pickles

---

126. Pepsi
127. Garrison Keillor
128. Sock puppets
129. Macramé
130. Cirque du Soleil
131. Dudes who wear ponytails
132. Slack-jawed yokels
133. Huckleberries
134. The prostate exam during the annual physical with Dr. Jellyfinger
135. The pain resulting from having dilated pupils on a sunny day after a glassies exam
136. Cannonballing Carl Spackler Bent with cheap red wine
137. The term "luncheon meat"
138. The sequels to "Caddyshack" and "Slap Shot"
139. Cold, dry toast
140. Curry whiff
141. Faxe (Danish lager sold in liter-sized oil cans)
142. Fluff
143. Those Discovery Channel programs showing things like women giving birth or eye surgery, which I always seem to land on when I'm flipping through the channels
144. This goddam film we had to watch in my third grade class about horses which included an "in action" birthing scene
145. Jive talk
146. Pretty much everything about the 1960s and 1970s
147. That uppity Mr. Peanut
148. Thinking about shingles, piles, lupus, and/or goiter
149. Albinos
150. Hunt's "catsup"

---