This Charming Man: Day One

So. My first day of being charming -- cuz I wanted to -- has come to an end. I'd say it's been a mild success. I mean, I actually did have to leave the house, so I was forced to interact with you jackasses and be all pleasant and shit. Well, I scored an apartment, so that was pretty good. I laid it on pretty thick, if ya really want to know about it. And I was nice to this fat old geezer who accidentally smashed a carton of eggs right in front of me at the grocery store. Normally I would have laughed and pointed -- but not this week. Anyway, I will ask this: are you people always this annoying? I mean, I was bothered all the time before, but now that I have to act charming (because I want to), it's doubly painful. It's like everybody I meet is suddenly fat, wearing sweatpants & sandals, gumsnapping, and reeking of soup whiff. God, I won't last this week. Now, I wouldn't have made the previous statement if I thought anyone were reading this; but, I just checked my stats, and it's clear that no one is (10 uniques, 10 firstees -- most of these hits were me tapping in using different ISPs). Anyway, I intend to keep wanting to be charming. Color me pleasant and attractive. And don't hate me because I'm beautiful. See ya, suckers...